Developing Stronger Relationships with Vicky Essebag
This is Season 6, Episode 10 of FocusED, and it features our guest, Vicky Essebag; we discuss the concept of “relationspaces,” building stronger bonds with people, personal growth…and so much more.
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Vicky Essebag Brings a Tons of Experience to FocusED Listeners
Vicky Essebag is a relational communication specialist and author. She pairs her extensive background in education as a teacher, guidance counselor, head of guidance, curriculum consultant, and administrator, with her experience as a family therapist, and solution-focused coach.
Vicky is widely known for adapting the Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) model to support effective relationships with all school stakeholders and families. Vicky sets the tone for supportive and compassionate learning spaces. She inspires with the power of prioritizing communication to encourage effective and inclusive relationships.
She is a public speaker, instructional leader, consultant, and coach. Vicky is Founder of the company, Relationspaces, and author of Relationspaces: A Solution-Focused Handbook for Parents.
FocusED Show Notes with Guest Vicky Essebag
Vicky starts by defining “relationspaces” as the way that we bring ourselves to the spaces where we develop relationships.
Vicky tells us that we have preconceived notions about how we’re communicating and sometimes it’s effective and other times it’s not.
Vicky gives us an example of where our communication as teachers to students might be landing wrong in a way that only supports more misbehavior.
It’s better to minimize our noticing of the behaviors that are not desirable and maximize our noticing of the desired behaviors.
Solution-Focused is a strength-based approach. And, the future aspect of it asks the question, what does the person want?
Vicky says that success happens in small increments. Change happens gradually. Her advice is to take a few steps back when things aren’t going the way we want them to and then to become more inclusive.
She tells us that relationships have to be the foundation of everything we do and have to be prioritized as important in the minds of every leader.
Vicky explains that Solution-Focused has a premise that “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it; if it’s working, don’t change it; and if something is wrong, do something about it.”
Don’t miss what she says about future-oriented types of questions.
Vicky talked about a scenario and exercise that she did with students who were refusing to come to school, and they built hypothetical machines to help bring them back to school.
She talks about her own growth and a program she’s in right now to gain a certification that she wants for more international credibility.
Vicky says that the most important part about commuting with others is our presence.
We asked Vicky to give us some techniques for asking questions. She says that the best questions are open-ended and up to the person being asked to provide their answer versus searching for the right ones.
If we can inspire people with hope, why not. ~ Vicky Essebag
Books We Recommend Based on this Podcast with Vicky Essebag
The Third Path by David Tranter, Lori Carson, & Tom Boland
The Forest of Wool and Steel by Natsu Miyashita & Philip Gabriel
Emotional Agility by Susan David
Changeable by Stuart Ablon
The Coaching Habit by Michael Stanier
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